I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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