I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
