Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
