We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
