honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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