The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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