You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
