John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
