that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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