I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fuck appropriateness.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
