i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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