if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
