Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
