omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
