My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
