my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
