Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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