we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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