hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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