I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
