So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
