cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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