he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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