what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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