Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
