Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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