...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
