I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
