She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
