I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
