It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
