Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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