then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
