I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
