Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
