'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
