I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
