So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is an emotional support booty call
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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