An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
