shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
