He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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