His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
