wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
