Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
