You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
