I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
