I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize