I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
