Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Operation Purity has been aborted
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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