How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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