After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
