I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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