Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
