____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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