Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
