i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
