All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
