Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
