So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
