The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you made out with another girl for some wings
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
