God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
