well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
