i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have already put on my inside pants.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
