she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
