If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
