I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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