omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
