areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
