Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
