Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize